forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
