I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
