Ketchup is God's man juice
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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