I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
