No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need a beard to bite.
My feet surprised me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
