just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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