I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
