It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
