i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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