Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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