We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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