I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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