I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
