mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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