I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
