I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
