you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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