i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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