So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
