1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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