Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
