so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
