Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
