im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
