I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
