My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
