how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They have beer where we have blood.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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