If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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