Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
