if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
