Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
