You don't have asthma, your pregnant
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
