A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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