New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
