hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I want to have your abortion
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
