sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
