is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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