she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
whose parrot is this?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
