the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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