I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
