apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
