remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
