Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
