There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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