he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
