I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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