All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
