the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
