I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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