I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
