So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
