ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
