In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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