pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Houston, we have a blender
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize