You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
