you mean i was at the winter classic?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
