then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I forget how to act sober
Randomize