Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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