Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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