yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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