We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
