His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
