I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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