so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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